did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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