i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
