fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
BRING THE BAGELS
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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