Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
