Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
