Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
