The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
