I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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