im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm getting married
To pizza
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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