So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
you will always have a special place in my vag
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
