so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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