The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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