Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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