If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
third nipple confirmed
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
