you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
