this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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