ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
