So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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