peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
