i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
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The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
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He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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