i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
