if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
