Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
