you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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