She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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