I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
