Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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