Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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