do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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