I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
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