Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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