Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
