are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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