so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
