I think scott just propositioned me for sex
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
