She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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