I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
then he tried to convert me to islam
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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