I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
