Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
