Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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