and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
