I am in a vortex of obligation.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
