is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
