Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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