So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize