Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My penis needs a shock collar
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
