I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
