I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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