so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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