It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
