video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
