What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
