After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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