Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
