i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
