just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It's rum buckets o'clock
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
