i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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