I hope mine doesn't look like that
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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