I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
