You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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