the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
