Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
