woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
