So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
