What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
