I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
