Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
