dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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